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So I, like many other Canadians, am fed up with gas prices. Gas companies whine about the situation in Saudi Arabia as the reason for the skyrocketing costs and in the same breath, announce they made a $2.4 billion profit in the first quarter! Plus, Kitchener is in dire need of some affordable parking. I hate feeding meters!!! It is for these reasons, I have jumped on the public transit bandwagon. The bus stops just a few yards from my house, and takes me to within 100 feet of work. Let’s calculate; 10 bus tickets for the week equals $16, that’s $64 a month. Driving my car, let’s see, parking is $7.50 a day, $150 a month! Plus, include the gas burned going back and forth and I’m saving some serious dollars. Believe it or not, my boss, who noticed I was leaving my car at home, asked me privately if I was having financial problems!!!! No I’m not, because I’m taking the bus! 

(Read Parts 1 and 2 first)

 So there I was, standing outside the house where my basement apartment was waiting. I spent 2-3 hours in a hospital, said good bye to my first car, and ruined a pretty cool shirt. All in all I had a pretty crappy night, but at least it was over, or so I thought. I got up the next morning vowing never to speak of the past 24 hours, because smashing your car up after owning it for only 9 hours is pretty embarrassing, and the folks at work would have a field day. I walked to work (no car remember?), and proceeded to get on with my life. I actually felt a little better, even started thinking of my next car, as I walked into the radio station and that’s when Chapter 3 of this tale began! The receptionist jumped to her feet and yelled to the manager “He’s here, Jim, Bill Hart is here!!” My boss came out of his office, and the entire building came to see if the rumours were true and that I was actually there. You see, when I smashed up the car, the police came across it and ran the license plate. Since I never had the chance to fill out the paperwork, the previous owner of the car got a call at 3am from Newfoundland’s finest to say his car was totalled! What I didn’t know, is that he was great friends with the big boss in St John’s. Sooooooooooo, he called my boss, who got the receptionist to call me at home (I was walking at the time). Hospitals were called, and just about every station in the network got a call to see if was laid up in the local morgue. I had to explain my whole story again, and again, and again! So much for trying to keep it quiet. I got lectures, vocal butt-kicks, and the typical ‘We’re glad you’re OK, but you must feel like a moron!’ I’m happy to say, I eventually got another car, an 86 Chev Celebrity. It lasted me a good 6 years, and I made sure to get insurance right away because you see, the last car I ‘owned’ was smashed without it. I ate alot of Kraft Dinner paying off that fine…….

THE END!!!!!!

**Warning** Read part 1 first!!!

 So, there I was, climbing out of a ditch, and looking at my mangled mess of a car. Not once thinking, how I was getting home. I was nowhere near Grand Falls, I was about an hour outside Gander which itself was an hour away from home. It was around 1130 at night, I’m just standing on the side of the highway, in the middle of forest, when a car pulled up and asked if I was OK. Sure, I was a little shaken up, but I was breathing! This was a complete stranger doing the right thing, and he took it a step further when he offered to drive me to the hospital. You know what it’s like in a hospital waiting room right? An hour and a half  later, I was still there, the stranger still sitting with me. I finally got a doctor to look at me and during the checkup, the police show up! It seems they found the wreckage and were stunned that I was still alive (was it really that bad?) After tests to see if my spine was still in one piece and if I was under the influence of anything, they left me with a sweet parting gift of three stitches on my left thumb (the scar is still there!) By this time, it’s about 3AM and I have no way home. Believe it or not, the whole time I was in the room, this stranger waited!!! Not only that, drove me straight home which was out of his way, because home for him was Twillingate (look at a map of Newfoundland). I wish I could tell you this guys name, but I have no idea what it is. I guess this is just another chance for me to say ‘Thank You’. You’d think this would wrap up the tale of my first car, but there’s a third part…….. 

Here’s that quiz i was talking about on the air… 

How Canadian are you? (For the record, I scored an 8 out of 10!)

THE QUIZ

(From citizenship test practice questions recommended by Citizenship and Immigration Canada)

1. Who are the aboriginal peoples in Canada?

a. United Empire Loyalists

b. Metis

c. The first inhabitants of Canada

d. Immigrants from Australia

2. Where did the first European settlers in Canada come from?

a. Ireland

b. France

c. Great Britain

d. Italy

3. What year was Confederation?

a. 1841

b. 1900

c. 1867

d. 1888

4. Who was the first prime minister of Canada?

a. George Washington

b. Sir John A. Macdonald

c. Lester B. Pearson

d. Sir Wilfrid Laurier

5. What are the Prairie provinces?

a. Ontario, Manitoba, Saskatchewan

b. Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta

c. Saskatoon, Manitoba, Alberta

d. British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan

6. Who is Canada’s head of state?

a. The prime minister

b. The governor general

c. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

d. The Senate

7. How does a bill become law?

a. A bill becomes law after two readings in the House of Commons.

b. Once a majority of Members of Parliament and senators have approved a bill, the governor general gives final approval and the bill becomes law.

c. A bill becomes law after four readings in the House of Commons and Senate.

d. The governor general approves all bills and they become law after two debates.

8. What is the population of Canada?

a. 31 million

b. 25 million

c. 20 million

d. 15 million

9. Which was the last province to join Canada?

a. Nova Scotia

b. Nunavut

c. New Brunswick

d. Newfoundland and Labrador

10. What will you promise when you take the Oath of Citizenship?

a. Pledge allegiance to the flag and fulfil the duties of a Canadian.

b. Promise to observe the laws of Canada.

c. Pledge to be faithful to the Queen.

d. Pledge allegiance to the Queen, observe the laws of Canada and fulfil the duties of a Canadian.

—

Correct answers:

1. C 2. B 3. C 4. B 5. B 6. C 7. B 8. A 9. D 10. D

Hello blog-readers from far and wide. It’s the brink of the long Canada weekend, and I hope yours is filled with fun, food, and small controlled explosions. Lately, I have the song ‘My First Car’ stuck in my head. That’s the latest from Pembroke native, and Ottawa Senator fan (loser!!!), Jason Blaine. The trick to scoring a hit these days is finding a song subject that’s relatable, what’s even harder is finding one that’s relatable to everyone from 16-106. Jason has done it with this because everyone remembers their first car, even me. My first car was an 86 Pontiac Acadian, paid less than $800 for it in the town of Carbonear Newfoundland. It was a standard, and after a few tries I got it into 3rd and was on my way, or so i thought. I drove from Grand Falls to pick it up, a good 4-5 hour drive. I embarked on the trip back home that same day, at around 9pm. At about 11pm, while I driving in my new car, planning our new life together, something happened. I fell asleep behind the wheel! I was up at around 545 that morning, and that warm embrace of sleep proved to be too hard to ignore. I ended up rolling the car 2-3 times, and landing in the ditch. To those that never experienced a car accident like this, you’d be suprised to hear that I was unusually calm during the whole experience. I was even planning on driving the car out of the ditch once it stopped rolling! Well that wasn’t going to happen, because the car was destroyed! The windshield was gone, the entire passenger side was crumpled in, and it was hard to see that my new ‘love’ was slowly slipping away. For the record, I officially owned my first car for less than 9 hours!!! Anybody own their first car for less than that? I’ll have part 2 to this story next week, because things got really weird after that……..

I know where a young man’s fancy turns to in Spring, but when the days of Summer hit, it’s baseball baby!!!! If you don’t know, I’m a HUGE Blue Jays fan. Been rooting for the boys in blue since the days of Clancy, Griffen, & Stieb, and growing up in Nova Scotia, the only way I saw them was on the boob tube. Fast forward to just two years ago when I finally got a chance to see them live. I planned this a year in advance, picking a game against the Kansas City Royals, a team they had a good shot a beating. I brought my wife and two daughters with me, they were 4 and 2 at the time. Parking the car at a lot, and handing the guy in the booth a $20 and getting no change in return, I made the walk past the CN Tower, and saw the Rogers Centre in all of its beautiful glory. Man, I was 7 again, so excited that I was going into the same building where Joe Carter hit ‘the shot’! I couldn’t get in there fast enough, and when we did, I just stood there for moment and stared at the field, the banners, the players warming up. I tell you, it was like a dream. I was finally there, and I didn’t care where our seats were. It turns out, they were 16 rows up from 3rd base, AWESOME!!! We all sat down, then my daughter and I went to field level and got a picture with Scott Downs. The Dome was closed, but then opened up. This was too good to be true. Watched Ted Lilly take the mound, and Mike Sweeney hit the first Major League home run I ever saw live, as a matter of fact, everyone one was hitting homers that Sunday. I didn’t care that I was paying $7 for Cotton Candy, I was enjoying ever single out, hit, foul ball, put out because I was actually there! I turned to look at my kids, because I was happy to be sharing this moment with them, when my oldest said, ‘Can we go home now?’. WHAT!?!?! It was the top of the 3rd, and my kids wanted to go home?!?! I kept buying them off with treats until I had no more money, that got me to the bottom of the 4th, when I realized that I have no choice but to walk away from the game I waited my whole life to see. I walked to the top of the section, occasionally looking back to soak up as much of the moment as I could. I ended up hearing the rest of the game on the radio, including Benji Molina hitting a grand slam home run. The Jays ended up winning 10-6.  It seems just like yesterday. I plan on seeing as many Jays games as possible this summer, but I’ll be dropping my kids off to their grandparents along the way.

It’s still so weird for me to look in the mirror, and realize that I’m somebody’s Dad. Moms don’t have this problem because of their maturity, and sense of cleanliness. Dads still want to play with toys, leave our clothes on the floor knowing we’ll pick it up later, and consider Homer Simpson the epitome of what a father should be. Dads are kids in a grown-up’s body! So it’s strange to know that there are two little girls who belive this hockey-watching, video game-playing, nacho-eating, Simpsons fan, is the greatest man on the planet.  Not George Clooney, not Bill Cosby, not even Darryl Sittler (read previous blogs, I’m a Leafs Fan), but moi! The comic relief to their mother’s seriousness! Together, we should make the perfect parent, when it calls to be one. My youngest daughter came home in tears recently after a hard time at school. My wife consoled her with a hug that only a mother could give, while I got my beatin’ stick, waiting to ask ‘where does this boy live’ (which is really uncalled for since she’s only 6). It turns out, a boy wasn’t the problem at all, at least not one. It seems my little angel, well, broke wind in class and everybody laughed at her. With comforting words coming out of her mother, the only thing that came out of me, was the odd escaping of air from my lips, as I tried not to laugh like her classmates did. I failed! But soon she was laughing too, and once again her goofy Dad saved the day after I respectively explained the humour in flatuance. I’m good for another macaroni ashtray this year. Happy Father’s Day! 

Hey, did you watch the Red Wings win their 11th Stanley Cup? The Leafs won 13, but I’m not here to rain on Detroit’s parade, but rather mourn a potential loss of a ‘friend’ to hockey fans from British Columbia to Newfoundland! According to canoe.ca, the Hockey Night in Canada theme song will be shut out next season. The agreement between the CBC and the composer, Dolores Claman, expired when the last game of the 2007-’08 season was played. Word is, the CBC had advised Claman that the contract will not be renewed and the broadcaster has chosen to move in a new direction. The CBC was paying about $500 for each game broadcast using the anthem.

$500!?! That’s it!?! Come on CBC, it’s stuff like this that earns you a visit from 3 spirits on Christmas Eve. I’ve been watching HNIC since I was a kid, and those opening bars are more than just a theme song, it’s a comfort. Heck, it’s practically our 2nd National Anthem. Getting rid of it is a slap to the face of Canada, and there’s no way you can replace it and recapture the magic and memories of a little Billy Hart in his Evil Knievel pj’s, watching the Kansas City Scouts get their butts handed to them by the Toronto Maple Leafs!! Instead of forking over the dollars to finance a trip to Manitoba to film the mating habits of a mosquito, try keeping some traditions alive. CBC, LEAVE THE THEME SONG ALONE!!!

Let’s cut to the chase, there are a number ‘celebrities’ I have no love for! These are people that, if had to make a list of alien abduction victims for the year, their names would be on it. You know the ones I’m talking about, rich and famous for doing nothing, lacking in talent (remember Ashlee Simpson on Saturday Night Live?), and wasting space on this planet we call Earth. Paris Hilton, Tara Reid, Kevin Federline you know the ones, always attempting to do something like sing because they can afford it. So when Jessica Simpson announced that she was doing a Country album, my eyes just rolled! You just can’t wake up one morning and say, ‘I think I want to be a Country star!’ So when her first single ‘Come On Over’ was released this week, I was ready to make fun of her attempts at Opry dreams, and share my feelings with all of you on the air. But a funny thing happened! I LIKED the song! I sat in front of my computer, and listen to it 4 times trying to find something wrong with it! Jessica is not inserting random sexy breaths over a drum track, no electronic ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’, just guitars, drums, and heaven help me, I heard some steel guitar. So here I sit with 4 pages of ‘Jessica Goes Country’ jokes that will never be heard because JS has shut me up and earned my respect.  I wonder if Ashlee is going to Nashville? Maybe I’ll hang on to this material, just in case!

Wow, I love hockey! I mean, I get a rush watching my team score on TV so you can imagine what I’m like being there in person. This week’s Memorial Cup Tournament has been nothing short of spectacular. Fans from all over the world who love the sport just as much as I do, and wearing the jerseys of their hometown teams. Some great team names in the CHL, Giants, Hitmen, Ice, Rangers, Spitfires, Wildcats, and Mooseheads! Wait a minute! Mooseheads?!?! OK, I have to explain this one, I’m from Halifax and the city is home to the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League’s Mooseheads, a team that has produced such stars as Alex Tanguay, and J.S. Giguere. When the city was granted a franchise, it was owned by Moosehead Breweries, so why not promote your beverage with a logo ripped off from the actual beer label? That’s what they did! In Atlantic Canada, Mooseheads is a hockey team with a normal name, but as I found out this week, the rest of the country doesn’t agree. ‘What’s so threatening about a moosehead?’ ‘Where did the rest of the body go?’ ‘You mean like those heads hanging on a hunter’s wall?’ These are some of the questions thrown my way, and you know what? It is a dumb name! What’s next? The Corner Brook Cod Tongues? The Fredericton Rabbit Butts? You’d never see the Kitchener Rangerheads! Despite the name, the team still brings in fans who will chant ‘Let’s Go Mooseheads’, and don the colors of red, green, and white. Yes, the team was named after a beer, but if you think about it, doesn’t it make it truly Canadian?