http://www.kix106online.com

I looked death in the face last week!

Well, hold on maybe that’s me being a little too dramatic. I have been lucky enough to not have to explain ‘death’ to my children who are 9 and 11. I mean, they understand it, and that it happens but it has never affected them directly.

I was watching sports in my ‘man cave’ when my youngest daughter came down the stairs. She didn’t say a word but she was crying, a real hard cry that doesn’t allow you to speak because there’s no air getting into your lungs!

OMG, WHAT’S WRONG!?!

She mumbled a few words, and I only understood one, ‘died’!

Died? Who? Where’s your sister?

She managed a quick inhale to mumble a short name followed by ‘died’!

The pets! Where’s Buffy? Leo? Tina? No, none of those sounded like the name she just mentioned.

I immediately panicked further when I started running names of her friends through my mind! ‘Grace’? No. ‘Jenna’? No. Her Indian friend’s name has 7 syllables in it so I knew she was safe.

I told her to calm down and I started to lose my mind, and asked, ‘Who died’?

Through a river of tears she clearly spoke one word, ‘BLUE’!

Blue?

Who the heck is Blue? I know who Pink is, but I know NO Blue whose death would cause my little girl to lose her ever loving mind like this!

My voice reached an upper level as gently grabbed her shoulders and yelled in a way where I wasn’t actually raising my voice, and asked, ‘Who’s Blue’?

‘Our horse’!

I thought, ‘Our horse? We don’t own a horse….do we?’

I mean there are days it seems like half of Noah’s Ark is running around the house but I’d know if there was a horse around!

Then it hit me!

OH MY FREAKIN’ LORD!

3 years ago we travelled to Newfoundland and visited a little village known as Peterview.

There, my wife’s aunt had a barn and in that barn was a horse.

A horse named Blue, who was now apparently living in Horse Heaven!

My daughter’s time with Blue lasted no more than 10 minutes, and we never saw him since, but apparently that’s more than enough time to create an appropriate emotional bond to allow you to almost suffocate upon hearing of his passing.

I cut myself over Christmas and had to wait for this same girl to get me a band-aid because she was in the middle of playing Disney Sing It on Wii!

I hope she doesn’t remember that ladybug I stepped on when she was 2!

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The New Orleans Hornets are changing their name!

The NBA franchise kept the nickname when the team moved from Charlotte, North Carolina and after a few years finally changed their name to this;

Pelicans! Sure it’s better than Hornets and they are Louisiana’s State Bird but come on! A pelican hardly strikes fear into the hearts of, well anyone!

I’ve watched enough ‘Billy The Exterminator’ to know that there are some scary things living in the bayou that would make for a great logo.

‘Gators’, ‘Cottonmouths’, ‘Tree Frogs’.

Heck, the State Fish is the White Crappie! Imagine the fun we’d have with that!

‘Go Crappies!’

Sounds like something you’d hear in Toronto! (Boo-yah!)

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Ahem, not saying a word!

Oh Hannah Montana!

Doing a morning show means some seriously early hours.

Announcers across the province open their eyes the same time as me every morning and most get to work around 4am.

Just about every one of my broadcasting peers has access to a number of ball caps because let me tell you, when you get up before the crack of stupid, how you look is not high on your list of priorities.

A serious case of bed head is quickly fixed with my Toronto Maple Leafs cap, and if you shower the night before and go to bed with wet hair, you’ll wake up to something out of Japanese anime!

Yeah, like that!

Had one of those days this week, but wasn’t worried because I only had a few things to do after work including getting the address on my drivers license changed.

No big deal, I’ve done it many times before but this time was different.

As I showed proof of my new residence, the women behind the counter said 7 words that made my blood run cold!

‘We need to take a new picture!’

Whoa! What? Waitaminute! A PICTURE!?!?!?!?!?!

I guess deep down I was hoping the Ministry of Transportation Ontario would cut me some slack and allow me to keep my ball cap on!

No dice! Rules are rules, and my saddest, puppy dog look wasn’t working.

Horrified, I let reality sink in, took off my cap and quickly glanced in mirror she provided me (yeah, I know! She had a mirror!)

I looked like Ace Ventura after a night of heavy boozing! It wasn’t pretty!

My part, which usually goes down the middle was now a zig zag, lightning bolt kind of thing.

She showed some compassion and allowed me a few minutes to split to the men’s bathroom to wet down the do, but it didn’t help.

I still looked like I just woke up, and the fact you’re not allowed to smile only made it worse!

Please, the next officer who pulls me offer, show some sympathy!  

I pretty much guaranteed a spot in the bad picture Hall of Fame with this one.

Who knows, if I drink a few beers before my next blog, I may just post it!

A lot of beers!!!

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Kids are weird!

My oldest daughter has made it perfectly clear that she HATES fireworks!

No joke, she’s deathly afraid of them.

One Victoria Day weekend, my cousin set off some and she freaked, screaming ‘Somebody save me!’ before finding safety in the house of a complete stranger whose door wasn’t locked!

This all stems from an incident YEARS ago when she was at school and one of her classmates claimed that if a firework touches you, you’ll burst into flames! It’s a belief that sticks with her almost 5 years later.

She also hates hornets!

I swear if I was going 110 km/h down the TCH and a hornet flew in, I wouldn’t have time to stop before she would open the door and jump out!

Now before you paint me with that ‘Non-understanding father’ brush, let me explain why my precious little daughter is ‘weird’!

I went to kiss her goodbye before I left for work and noticed my little Halloween nut (I swear she loves it more than Christmas) has decorated her room with pumpkin lights, glow in the dark ghosts and (get ready for it) these on her bedroom window;

So from what I can gather, if Jason Vorhees comes busting through the door with an axe, my little girl won’t panic unless he threatens to light a box of aerial shells!

Weird, but Ilove her!

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Ever had a boss who made your life miserable?

A Chatham-Kent, Ont., woman has won $1.46 million in a lawsuit against retail giant Walmart.

Meredith Boucher, 42, sued the company, claiming store manager Jason Pinnock, 32, subjected her to verbal abuse and humiliation on the job from May to November 2009.

A Walmart lawyer, outside the Windsor, Ont., courtroom after Wednesday’s jury decision, said the retailer will appeal the award.

$1.46 million?!?! Gee whiz what did he do to her?

Put a gun to her head, subject her to a public stoning, whipped her?

No wait, that’s what some women are being subjected to right now and they aren’t getting any compensation!

This stinks more than Honey Boo Boo’s couch after chili night! 

I am a man!

Albeit, not much of one. I enjoy a cold beer, sports, and I consider my TV as one of my children.

So should anyone be surprised when I say until last night I’ve never been to a musical?

I mean, I’ve seen plays, musicals with music played through a tape deck, but never a full visual spectacle with a live band (oops, I mean orchestra!)

My wife and I saw ‘Wicked’ last night at the Centre in the Square, and it was AMAZING!

The stage was awe-inspiring, the actors fabulous, and the singing was, for lack of a better term knocked out of the park!

I felt so ‘cultured’ listening to the songs with my program in hand, applauding when characters belted out the final note of a musical number, and following along as any questions I had from watching ‘The Wizard of Oz’ were answered!

I truly felt like a ‘better person’ because of the experience!

I won’t get into details about the story because you’ll have to see it for yourself, but I did have one problem.

Some people are SO SLOW!!!!

When the curtain closed, and the lights came on I looked a few seats over and waved goodbye to one of my co-workers and started getting out of my seat from the middle of the row.

Folks kept to their seats farting around on their phones, forcing me to climb over them.

After going through a minefield of dress shoes and high heels, I make it to the lobby where everyone is just yapping up a storm and not progressing to the exit door! Come on, what’s the hold up?

I’m getting a little ticked off and even nonchalantly turned to my wife and said loud enough for more than a few people to hear, ‘Why isn’t anybody leaving, for God’s sake?’

That’s when my wife leaned in and whispered, ‘It’s the intermission!’

I went from being 6’5 to somewhere around 4’3, and while I didn’t get embarrassed, I did feel a little stupid!

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I read this story and was left speechless, and stunned!

I’m all for using your imagination when proposing to the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. I mean, come on it has to be a special moment right?

A guy from Russia arranged a meeting with his girlfriend but when she arrived, it was a scene of mangled cars, ambulance, smoke, absolute carnage.

Her blood soaked boyfriend lay motionless on the ground and the paramedic informed her the man she loved was dead!

SCREEEEEEECH! Hold on there, this is where the story takes a bizarre turn.

As the girl fell to her knees overcome with emotion, her dead boyfriend stood up!

He hired a full movie crew of stuntmen, makeup artists and actors to stage a horrific car crash.

He says “I wanted her to realize how empty her life would be without me and how life would have no meaning without me.”

Raise your hands ladies if you’d be planning his funeral from jail right now!

What a moron, I mean really! Losing a loved one is the scariest thing anyone could possibly go through, and he used it as a prank?

But wait! This story takes yet, another turn.

SHE SAID YES!!!!!!

Dear God, please let them have kids and let them share their Dad’s sense of humor.

Who’s laughing now?

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Remember when all that was waiting for you in a box of cereal was a plastic car, or a sliding puzzle game?

Look, I love summer…A LOT!!!

However, as a parent today is a happy day as my kids join thousands of others as they return to class; it truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

You know, a part of me is a little jealous of them, being in school is one of the most entertaining times of a person’s life. Friendships are formed, knowledge is earned & not a single bill comes in the mail with their name on it!

If you ask me, life is pretty sweet between the ages of 5 and 18!

However, I’m not one to sugarcoat things, sometimes problems that seem big to a pre-teen are nothing more than a little irritant in your daily routine that gets quickly forgotten. Come on, is being picked last for dodge ball REALLY that bad?

The best advice I can give any student, in any grade is that something embarrassing will happen, and you WILL laugh about it, I know I did.

Embarrassing moments, oh I’ve had a few.

Picture it, Breadner Elementary, Trenton, Ontario. The year was 1980 and the holiday season was in full swing! I was playing a shepherd in the school play and with money tight there were now costumes for us, we just wore our housecoats! Plus, I was the only tending the flock while wearing glasses!

I just wish that was the worst of it. You see, shepherds didn’t wear pants back in the day of baby Jesus so we were told to wear shorts under our robes!

I forgot!

While sitting to the side of the stage on benches waiting for my cue to hit the stage and belt out ‘The First Noel’, I noticed a bunch of kids looking at me and smiling. A few of them were girls! WOO-HOO, GIRLS were smiling at me!

I must have looked so cool, more than I realize or maybe they were commenting on how great of a singer I was, or maybe one of them had a crush on me!!!!

No on all three!

It turns out, as I was sitting watching the other classes recite the Nativity, my robe fell open.

I didn’t realize that I was sitting there in my underwear for what was a good 10 minutes. Enough time for word to get around that the real show was happening near the piano!

Quickly retied my housecoat, because that’s what good shepherds do, and proceeded to put myself further in the spotlight onstage!

To this day, whenever I hear ‘The First Noel’ I think of my underwear!

Have fun at school, if you’re lucky you too will have stories to share someday!

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Took the family to 154^th Paris Fall Fair, and as far I can tell it’s the BEST fall fair I’ve ever been to!

The best part of these events beyond the rides, the entertainment, and learning how to milk a cow, is the food!

More importantly, the deep fried treats that you’ll only find at fairs such as this!

Snickers, mars, pumpkin pie, are just some of the few million calories I’ve had the joy of tasting!

Even this;

That’s a deep fried peanut cup my friend, and it’s awesome!

Still though, there a few deep fried delicacies I want to try! Check out this list of actual batter dipped sweets;

Kool-Aid

Butter

Spam

Coca Cola

Jelly Beans

Crème Eggs

Oreos

And this;

The Gods of junk food surely shed tears of joy when somebody (assumingly accidentally) created the Deep Fried Cheeseburger!

Going to be fun pushing that through my arteries!

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Yes, it is truly the most wonderful time of the year!

8 things I saw during the May 2-4 weekend!

1. Parking within walking distance of the Rogers Centre….6 BUCKS!!!!! Flat rate even!
2. Samples done right! A lovely young lady greeted us as we left the parking lot and asked if we would like to try the new Bud Light Lime & Mojito! Expecting a taste in a Dixie cup, she gave TWO CANS!!!!!
3. A homeless couple making out on the sidewalk in front of the liquor store! Why don’t I ever see THAT on the cover of a Harlequin romance novel?
4. A woman behind me at the Jays game passing out from the heat. Medical staff had to carry her out, and I know they were thankful that she wasn’t a 400 lb man!
5. A grandmother took her son and 7 grandkids to the game and they seated in front of us.  The kids were more concerned about going back and forth to drink from the water fountain than the game.  I could think of better ways to spend almost $500.
6. A big muscular guy reached forward to catch a foul ball, and came into contact with a woman in front of him. She made contact with him too with a smack to the head, He got kicked out!!!
7. Back home the next day, my wife told me our kids are going through a neighbours’ garbage. I went to stop them and came back with a new ladder for our pool!
8. A lunatic across the street set off fireworks in his front yard, the device he’s launching them with tips over and sends a couple of fireworks towards the house across the street!

(Sigh) can’t wait to see what the rest of the summer will bring!

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This really steamed me!

You wake and go to school for 12 years for the right to earn your diploma!

It’s YOUR blood, sweat, & tears so why wouldn’t you do something ‘special’ when on that stage?

All that ‘goofiness’ you’ve been holding back all that time needs to be released so why not then?

Chuck Shriner, a 17-year-old from Fort Myers, Florida, dropped down to one knee and “Tebowed” in front of his high school principal before receiving his diploma. “Tebowing” was made famous by former Denver Bronco and current New York Jet quarterback Tim Tebow, who constantly drops to one knee and rests his head on his arm to pray during football games.

For his actions at the Bishop Verot High School graduation, Chuck was told he would not be receiving his high school diploma.

Say WHAT!?!?!

Chuck says, “They said what I did would give underclassmen inspiration to do something else, that it might lead to something else.”

PUH-LEASE!!!

Upon Tebowing, parents and other students erupted in laughter in approval. The Bishop Verot High School administration, however, did not approve. Chuck was told he would have to clean the entire gymnasium the graduation was held in to earn his diploma back.  What did his mother say?

Well, his Mom was the one who came up with the punishment!

She’s a math teacher at the private school and wanted  to teach her son a lesson.

Chuck will be attending the University of Central Florida to study mechanical engineering in the fall, and based on what his Mom is like, I’m sure he’s counting the minutes!!!!!!

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OK, really? Last week one of our listeners sent us this  a little after 7am. How mad would you be?

Every week there’s somebody celebrating something!

Did you know there’s a Carpenter Ant Awareness week next month?

However, this week truly does mean something as we honour those people who become our family when we need them most!

When there’s a family member holding on for a few minutes longer.

When an hysterical parent goes off the deep end when her boy stuffs pocket change up his nose.

When a scared first time father hits the panic button like he was playing Space Invaders as his wife is wheeled into the operating room!

OK, that last example was me!

(insert a ‘travel backin time’ sound effect here!)

It was December 4th, 2001. My wife and I were married for over a year and we were waiting for our first baby!

We had no idea if it was a boy or a girl, and we wanted to be surprised however our patience was being tested since our due date was November 25th!!!!

We tried everything to help nature along and she finally started going into labour while holding true to her promise that she didn’t want drugs!

December 4th became December 5th and the nurses kept asking if she wanted anything for the pain, but she continued to refuse.

A nurse monitoring the baby’s heartbeat, glanced at the machine and then my wife before politely smiling and saying, ‘Be right back sweetie!’

A doctor returned and revealed that an emergency c-section would have to take place. Essentially, the baby wanted out but my wife wasn’t physically ready yet, and that was stressing our unborn child which was more dangerous than we realized.

After my wife spent hours in pain without drugs, it was all for naught as she was prepared for an epidural.

Scared? I know I was as I watched her being wheeled away. As I followed this nurse stopped me.

I’d be disrepecting her if I called her ‘old’ so let’s just say she must’ve been working a ‘long time’!

And she was SMALL! A tiny little thing. Of course when you’re 6’5, everyone looks small but she even more so.

She had some scrubs in her arms and in a quiet, mouse-like voice she said, ‘Here dear, put these on.’

Are you serious? My wife was being wheeled away and she wanted me to change!?!?!

I’m not sure what Imuttered that morning, but I do remember pushing her gently aside trying to catch up to my wife.

I took one, maybe one and a half strides to the door when I suddenly found it difficult to walk.

It was because this ‘frail little nurse’ had grabbed me by the collar, and believe me for her it was a stretch to reach that high, and said in a much more stern voice, ‘You’re not going anywear until you put these on!’

I have to tell you, I looked in her eyes and realized I needed to take a breath and know that wherever my wife and child were, they were safe. I went to the bathroom, changed, took that breath and returned to that nurse who had no intention of letting me leave until I put those scrubs on.

I was meet with the same nurse who escorted my to the O.R. where my wife was waitng.

We ended up welcoming our daughter Allannah at 5:04am, and despite the seriousness of all that had happened during the past few hours, I never felt so calm…..and thankful!

Not a single nurse came back looking for thanks, however EVERY single one came to see Nancy and the new baby. They were like family that day, and made the most stressful moment of my life, the most AMAZING.

Allannah’s baby book has the name of the doctor who delivered her, but I wish the names of those nurses were there too.

They deserve it!

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You have GOT to be kdding me!

This is for anyone who ever complained about folks from other countries who came her to take our jobs!

More than 200 taxi drivers, mostly from the Toronto-area, were found to have been doctors in their homelands before arriving in Canada for a better life, according to the federal immigration survey.

The department last year surveyed 50,101 cabbies through the use of their tax forms. They also found another 55 Canadian-born taxi drivers who were doctors or had PhDs.

Doctors! With all the fuss over waiting times in local hospitals, maybe it’s time to call a cab instead!

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Why don’t we have more places like this, for guys like me, who have wives who can shop for hours?

The ACM’s are over a week old, and folks are still talking about them maybe not for the reasons why they should however.

I personally did not see any problem with Ashton Kutcher’s appearance during the Vegas show. I thought for sure folks would be freaking out at KISS being there before coming down on Ashton’s fashion choice, and attempt at country humor.

Ashton presented the female vocalist of the year award dressed in some pretty cool country duds that would make Big Country envious and even sang a bit of George Strait’s hit “I Cross My Heart” with his similarly attired, onstage buddies, one of whom was swigging a big mug of beer.

Fun times and cold beer! Isn’t that what Country Music is all about?

Yet some of the stars we love reacted as if Kutcher was making fun of, not honoring, country music with his antics.

“Was Ashton Kutcher making fun of country or is it just me?” tweeted Miranda Lambert, to whom Kutcher presented the female vocalist of the year award.

Miranda’s husband Blake Shelton told Access Hollywood that he was “too busy to give a crap what Ashton Kutcher does.”

Justin Moore went so far as to call the “Two and a Half Men” star “a douche.”

“I don’t care for people making a mockery of the way country artists’ dress,” he added.

That tweet was re-tweeted by others including Jake Owen.

Ashton took to twitter tweeting “I Am One Of The biggest country Music fans you’ve ever met. Wasn’t making fun at all.”

Look, Country Music is the one genre where everyone is welcome. Rap stars sing with us, hard core rockers rock with us, and when opera needs a little twang, you know we’ll be there!

Just because you don’t wear a hat, doesn’t mean you’re not a fan!

Ashton is OK in my book! How about yours?

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How can you not feel happy for Jake Owen!

The guy with the best teeth in Country Music (check ‘em out for yourself!), scored another #1 with ‘Alone With You’, and then shocked the crowd in his hometown of Vero Beach, Floriad when he did this;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uipvKKYof0s&feature=player_embedded

The girl’s name is Lacey Buchanan and they met on the set of his ‘Eight Second Ride’ video & she’s also the girl in his video for ‘Barefoot Blue Jean Night.’

According to reports the proposal was completely spontaneous. He didn’t even have a ring. As he told the audience, he’d always wanted to get engaged in front of friends and family, and felt the time just seemed right.

Isn’t there a law against proposing without a ring? Nonetheless, she said ‘Yes’ and he owes her some jewelry!

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If I didn’t see you at Easter, I give you this seasonal blast of Springtime colour…..

These two are none other than Toronto Blue Jays’ Brett Lawrie and JP Arencibia in their Dumb and Dumber Tuxedos!

Gawd, they look awful! Lol!

Recently I was contacted by e-mail with BIG NEWS that I won a huge prize, $250,000 and a brand new truck! I replied to see how much fun I could have with this, read on;

 January 18Tina Hunt

Hi Bill, have you been informed about your winning prizes yet?? Cash and new truck. Have you filled out all the necessary info yet?

..

January 19Bill Hart

Yes I have, haven’t heard back yet.

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January 19Tina Hunt

Boss said you haven’t fill out infos yet. What’s really going on ??

Fedex man delivers your package as soon as all info is ready

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January 19Bill Hart

Sorry, I sent an email asking where you were based and if can come there to fill everything out.

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January 19Tina Hunt

Can you come up and flight here virginia usa

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January 19Bill Hart

Sure can. ROAD TRIP!!! What’s the address?

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January 19Tina Hunt

Address……….. 10040 hummingbird In partlow va 22534.

You can come up for your cash and new truck as soon as possible

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January 19Bill Hart

I’ve just been asked to request a fax confirming this, rules and regulations, etc. or a PDF file indicating the same. bill.hart@rci.rogers.com

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January 19Tina Hunt

And what is all the indications all about?? Have you filled out all the necessary info?

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January 19Bill Hart

Just covering my legal butt, what’s your phone number?

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January 19Tina Hunt

Have you got msn or yahoo messenger to contact my boss then ?? If that makes it more easier

Are you there Bill ???

..

January 20Bill Hart

A friend went to 10040 Hummingbird Lane, and found a house.

January 20Tina Hunt

What are you talking about??

What house are you talking about?? You must think am here for games

Like I told you , if you don’t want it , then it get delivered to the Charity Organization

..

January 20Bill Hart

OK what’s the address?

The house is at the address you gave me.

WHat’s your phone number?

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January 20Tina Hunt

What do you need that for ?? What for ???

You’re fool. Organization is in address and not a house. If you don’t want it just drop it and forget it ok.

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January 20Bill Hart

You want my info, how do I know you’re not stealing my identity? Just need to talk to someone directly, just need a number.

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January 20Tina Hunt

What addy am I stealing , I got nothing to do with your Identity

What’s your number ???

David fedex truck drive will give you a call. He makes delivery of every winning prizes

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January 20Bill Hart

519-741-1067

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January 20Tina Hunt

Hello .

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January 20Bill Hart

Hello?

..

January 20Tina Hunt

Has david contact you yet ??

Necessary info delaying your prizes . David delivers your package as soon as all info get ready

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January 20Bill Hart

Yes, couldn’t understand him. He can deliver any package to 301 King Street West, Kitchener ONtario.

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January 20Tina Hunt

Have you contact irene yet??

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January 20Bill Hart

No, could you forward my info to her?

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January 20Tina Hunt

You got to follow all protocol. Fill out all info

Name………………… Address…………….. Dob………………….. Occupation………. Mtcn………………… Tel phone…………. Marital status…….. Email address……..

..

January 20Tina Hunt

Those are the info needed before delivery

Have you got msn or yahoo messenger to contact boss??

All info is needed before delivery

Hello. Are you there?? What’s going on

..

January 20Bill Hart

Send me all the correct information, rules and regs, and viable proof and I’ll send you all info right away. Nobody gives away a truck and that much money without proper documentation. I know because I work at a radio station and heavily involved in Radio Promotions. We’ve been talking about this on the air since Wednesday and our listeners are dying to know if I’ll get my prize or not. www.kix106online.com

..

January 20Bill Hart

Hello?

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January 20Tina Hunt

That’s crazy, I don’t expect you telling everyone you won a prizes. That makes no sense to me at all

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January 20Bill Hart

I’m excited! Why would I keep quiet about it?

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January 20Tina Hunt

You don’t need to start telling everyone that you won

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January 20Bill Hart

Why?

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January 20Tina Hunt

This must be private you and family alone . For safe delivery

Remember you’re getting a lot of cash

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January 20Bill Hart

It can be delivered here for safe delivery. We have security!

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January 20Tina Hunt

That’s why it must be private. Remember david is delivery cash in person

Have you email boss for necessary info yet??

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January 20Bill Hart

You deliver CASH!?!?!? That’s insane, and dangerous!

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January 20Tina Hunt

I know there are securities

Yes cause you’re insane. As I keep repeating my self that fedex man will deliver you in person

I don’t really think you want this delivery

Forget it all if you haven’t email irene all the necessary info . That means you aint getting any delivery then

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January 20Bill Hart

Sure I do, but I want proof from you that everything is legit!

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January 20Tina Hunt

Just forget it all ok

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January 20Bill Hart

I thought so!

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January 20Tina Hunt

But you got a call isn’t it . That’s what you first demand for . Now you’re being called and still do not trust it . Can you see how foolish you’re now ??

Ok then , bye

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January 20Bill Hart

A call!?!?! That’s it? WHy can’t you just e-mail me a document?

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January 20Tina Hunt

There’s nothing to email you about document , this winning prizes is from United States. You’ve been randomly picked up as a beneficiary. But seeing thing going now. I think you don’t need it

Those are the info you need . You have been sent that a lot of times now.

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January 20Bill Hart

What have you sent me? A request for my personal info? All I want is legal documentation indicating that I have won.

I will then prove everything when David arrives.

Hello?

..

January 20Tina Hunt

I can see that you aint ready for your prizes

I need get busy with other lucky winner from australia

You can get back to me as soon as you’re ready for your prizes

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January 20Bill Hart

‘Ain’t'? Good luck with that. I’m posting this on my FB page and THANKFULLY I have friends in Australia. You may want to work on your English and grammar there ‘Tina’. Please donate my winnings to the nearest Children’s Hospital.

(Bloggers note – David did call ready to make my ‘delivery’ in Kitchener Waterloo, yet when we searched his number we learned he was calling from a University in South Africa!)

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Well it finally happened!

A child of mine with her party animal ways (which she obviously got from her mother) had to answer to local authorities.

My oldest daughter Allannah was at a slumber party this past Friday and I guess catching up on the latest happenings on the Family Channel or further proving that boys are gross got boring to the point that they decided to do something else!

9-1-1!

Now we have sat down with our kids and talked about what 9-1-1 is and more importantly WHEN it should be used.

Details are sketchy but apparently the girls were playing a ‘game’ which involved calling those 3 digits while the phone is hung up.

Allannah was always easily distracted and proof of that was shown when a knock came at the door just minutes later.

A police officer greeted the evening’s hosts, and the way I heard the little angels downstairs were losing their ever lovin’ minds as thoughts of spending the night in jail drove them to tears!

Somewhat proud that Allannah stepped up and admitted her guilt while proceeding to not let the officer get a word in edgewise (again a trait she got from her Mom)

She explained how she knew it was wrong, how a call like this was taking him away from a possible other call, how it should only be used in emergencies, and that everyone should follow these rules.

He’s a better man than me because I would’ve at least drew my weapon to get my point across, smart alec kid taking away all my thunder from the speech I was about to give!

Nonetheless, the party continued without a hitch and was the subject of conversation at school because how many 4^th graders can say the police had to come to the house?

Can’t wait for this weekend when my 8 year old comes home with a tattoo!

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Happy 100th Birthday to the Oreo!!!

In the same year that the Oreo was born, the South Pole was discovered and the Titanic sank.

According to wikipedia, there are many theories pointing to the origin of the name ‘Oreo’, including derivations from the French word ‘Or’, meaning gold (as early packaging was gold), or the Greek word ‘Oreo’, meaning beautiful, nice or well done. Other theories are that the ‘re’ from cream was ‘sandwiched’ between the two Os from cookie, or the word ‘just seemed like a nice, melodic combination of sounds’

Twist, lick, and dunk…..I’m craving me some Oreos!!!!

The Oscars were last night!

Just acknowledging that makes me feel less of a man, but I took it one step further and actually watched a little!

As a beer drinkin’, hockey watchin’, true blue Canadian male, I feel it’s necessary to pass along some of what I noticed.

1.      Meryl Streep may have won a few Oscars but why isn’t she mentioned whenever those ‘Hottest Women’ lists come out! At 62, she still has what it takes to make the folks at Viagra nervous!

2.      Angelina Jolie is stealing stuff from the theatre and hiding the merchandise under her dress. Why else is she standing on stage like this?

3.      What was Kenny Rogers nominated for?

4.      Do you think the Kardashians and Hiltons were ticked off that they weren’t invited but this guy was? The dog, not the man!

5.      Why do stars get shocked and embarrassed when ‘wardrobe malfunctions’ happen? I mean if you wear THIS, what do you expect? If she gets startled, there’ll be two more reasons why folks are talking about J-Lo!

Next year, more explosions and maybe a fight to the death?

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Would you eat this?

A hamburger made from stem cells!

According to reports, a group of scientists at Maastricht University in the Netherlands has grown small pieces of muscle about 2 cm long, 1 cm wide and about 1 mm thick. They are off-white and resemble strips of calamari in appearance. These strips will be mixed with blood and artificially grown fat to produce a hamburger by the autumn.

Don’t expect to find these tasty morsels available at your local meat counter because the cost of producing the hamburger will be around $300,000!?!

The plan now is to make this cost-effective for those of us who want our meat to be made in a petri dish! (Yes, that’s sarcasm!)

Prof. Sean Smukler from the University of British Columbia says he thinks that lab grown meat could be a good solution.

“It will help reduce land pressures,” he said. “Anything that stops more wild land being converted to agricultural land is a good thing. We’re already reaching a critical point in availability of arable land.”

Until cows become extinct, I’ll pass! Show Bessie the door to the meat packers!

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Somebody just found out what ‘neutering’ means!

It was supposed to be a romantic night!

It was that time in my life where I was finished high school, and waiting for my first radio job.

Broke? Usually! But this day I received my income tax refund cheque for over $300 and I was going to take a lady out on the town!

The plan was simple, dinner, movie, and ‘whatever’!

Only problem was, I didn’t have a car and there was no way I could expect a girl to go out with me without a car! That’s where my buddy Andy came in to save the day.

He was driving a 83’ Parisienne and he gladly offered it to me, his brother in desperate need on one condition!

You see, I wasn’t the only one looking for love!

It turns out Andy recently got reacquainted with a lost love from our high school days, and those long phone conversations resulted in an evening of romance at her place.

He would loan me the car, I’d drop him off and after my night I would come back and pick him up!

What could possibly go wrong?

With car in hand, I called her, asked her, and she said ‘Yes!’ (By the way, is there a better feeling in the world than hearing a girl say that when you’re 19?)

Friday night came, and as planned I dropped Andy off at his date’s place a little jealous that his date had her own apartment now, while I still lived in mother’s basement!

I stopped at the mall, and bought ONE rose! It’s more romantic, and way less expensive than a dozen!

Went to her house, knocked on the door, and away we went!

First stop, dinner at a steak house!!! No fast food joint for Billy Hart and his date!

Saying ‘order whatever you want’ is a double edged sword because while you sound ‘cool’, you leave yourself open for someone to do exactly what you say!

I can’t remember how many cows died that night, but I did have enough money for a movie which just so happened to be showing across the street!

With our popcorn and various other treats in hand we grabbed our seats. Not long after a few friends of mine showed up and we exchanged pleasantries before the movie started.

Lou Diamond Phillips ‘The First Power’, and maybe taking someone to a scary movie that wasn’t into scary movies wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had.

Heck, a smarter man would’ve said ‘Let’s leave!’

A cheaper one would’ve rode the wave and hope it would all work itself out!

It didn’t.

After the movie, there wasn’t much ‘discussion’, and the vibe clearly told me that she wanted to go home.

I dropped her off, a small kiss goodbye, and I watched her go to her door.

I let out one of those big ‘sighs’ where your lips vibrate, and proceeded to drive away and go pick up Andy.

I wasn’t rushing because I still had over half an hour left before he was to meet me outside.

I kind of wished I did rush though, because I would’ve been closer to a gas station when I ran out of gas!!!!

Yep! Ran out of gas, AFTER I dropped my date off!

Now a Parisienne is a lot like a boat as in, it’s long and big. So trying to maneuver one, on a hill, BACKWARDS is not an easy thing to do. I did the best I could and took off on foot to the nearest gas station!

I walked for about 35 minutes and right there and then I knew I was going to be late picking Andy up! Remember, this was BEFORE cell phones!

Got the gas, walked another 35-40 minutes, got the car running and off I went.

By my calculation, I was going to be over an hour late.

Panic?

Heck no, I mean after all my night may have went south, but Andy was with a girl in her own apartment!!!

He’s probably going to thank me for not arriving right away. So I made plans to park the car in the apartment car parking lot and wait for him there.

However, as I approached her apartment building, there was Andy standing on the side of the road not looking too happy!

He jumped in and I apologized over and over trying to explain how disastrous my date was, but he didn’t seem to care!

You see, what I didn’t know is that while I was feeding my date, making her watch a movie she didn’t like, and running out of gas, Andy was going through a bad night of his own!

During their hour long phone conversations, it seems Andy’s friend forgot to tell him one little thing!

She was 7 month pregnant!!!!

Reason #24 why Floyd Mayweather is a jerk!

“Jeremy Lin is a good player,” Mayweather tweeted Monday, “but all the hype is because he’s Asian. Black players do what he does every night and don’t get the same praise.”

OK yes, Lin being Asian is a big part of the story. He’s the first American-born player of Taiwanese or Chinese descent to play in the NBA. That’s different, and therefore newsworthy. But that’s not what people are freaking out over!

In a world where high school athletes are getting their college educations paid for, but leaving early because the NBA comes calling and offering money they in no way deserve, this is a refreshing story.

If Floyd could somehow get his head surgically removed from his butt long enough to read a little more, he’d know this!

It’s not about race; it’s about not giving up and paying your own way.

Don’t get me wrong, Jeremy was a pretty good ball player in High School but colleges weren’t banging on his door asking to play for them.  Harvard saw that Lin was 6 feet 3 inches, which fit the physical attributes he was seeking, and he had a 4.2 grade point average in high school, which fit Harvard’s academic standards. So like finding a still functioning BBQ in the neighbour’s garbage, they took him!

After a pretty good college career, he wasn’t picked in the 2010 NBA Draft, bounced around in the D-League, with the odd tryout here and there.

He was signed by the NY Knicks as a third string option. Due to injuries and the fact the team was playing so bad, Jeremy was thrown into the game and scored 25 points, five rebounds, and seven assists—all career-highs—in a 99–92 Knicks victory over the New Jersey Nets. In his first career start against Utah, he had 28 points and eight assists. After scoring  a game-winning three pointer in Toronto with less than a second remaining in a game, he passed Shaquille O’Neal’s league record for the most points in his first five games as a starter.

Just two weeks ago, Jeremy Lin was crashing on his brother’s couch on New York’s Lower East Side, only to find himself homeless when his brother threw a party.

Well, now the world wants to party with him!

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February 15 was declared National Flag of Canada Day in 1996. It marks the day in 1965 when our red and white maple leaf flag was first raised over Parliament Hill in Ottawa, and indeed, hundreds of communities across Canada. It could’ve looked a lot different based on some of the submissions.

After reviewing thousands of proposals, the committee settled on the three following designs:

Be proud of the red and white, frankly the GREATEST flag ever!