Archive for July, 2012
Monday, July 30th, 2012
There comes a time in your life life when you have to accept that you have spider veins. I mean, not everybody does….but for the most part, when you’re pushing 40, you probably have a few. I got them while I was pregnant. They’re weird eh? Looks like you fell asleep with a red Bic pen on your leg. All scribbly. Oh well. It was worth it right? The baby that is.
So now what? Nylons? Fishnets? Pants forever? Nope. I’ll just try and draw more attention to my hair. Yep, I am going to start teasing my hair more and more, bigger and bigger each year. The more spider veins, the bigger the bangs. The higher the crown. And hoop earings.
Big. Gold. Hoops. My head will be so big with hair and hoops no one will ever notice the ever expanding road map on my legs.
You know what’s worse than spider veins? A LOT. Punch in SPIDER
Monday, July 16th, 2012
How many times have you said, “HONEY! Have you seen my DISCO PANTS??” Probably not too many. Well, you might be saying it a whole lot more. THEY’RE BACK. Grease lightening baby! I love when something is considered to be back ‘IN’. It was ‘OUT’, but then some guy in France decided, while nibbling on cheese, that it would indeed be coming back ‘IN’. And I mean, who WOULDN’T want to paint these puppies on for a night on the town? Again, much like the crop top, SO FLATTERING for most body types! Hugging every curve and lump on each leg like sausage casing. Keep things tight at the waist too! I want to look like a water balloon ready to explode! Eat? Not eating tonight! I’ll have stomach cramps because of lack of intestinal circulation. Nah..I’ll eat tomorrow, when I wear my Sunday Sweatpants. It’ll be Nothing but Dateline re-runs and Ding Dongs allll day. But tonight? I wanna be ‘ IN’! I don’t care if they don’t look right. The FEEL right. They make me wanna dance and meet people! Shiny pants screams confidence! Get me to the club! VIP all the way! I need to MOVE! I feel 20 again! I look like Olivia Newton John right now! Wait. I feel ill. How do I get these things off?
Are YOU ready for the retrun of the Disco pant? punch in PANT for points.