Archive for July, 2011
Wednesday, July 27th, 2011
Along time ago, I thought it would be a good idea to take dentistry in to my own hands. It started when I was schlepping peel and eat shrimp in Toronto as a caterer. I had had a few issues with my back molars for a while. I grinded my teeth at night because of the anxiety of living in a city where the only thing I could afford to eat was food I got for free, from catering. So finally one day, mid shift, as I was passing the cold spring rolls out to a bunch of bankers at an after work booz-a-roo, half of my molar came out. ( I actually almost swallowed it. I thought it was a nut) NOW what do I do? I can’t afford a dentist! I can barely afford to get home tonight! So, I had to trouble shoot. (punch in MOLAR for 500 points) So I ran to the nearest pharmacy for help. Up and down the aisles I went…..and then POOF! I found it! A real-live tooth patch kit! And it was only 8 bucks! Sold, to the fool dressed like a penguin with shrimp sauce on her sleeve! It was easy too, all I had to do was shove this cement like paste into the hole in the tooth and wait for it to harden and then, bang, instant new tooth! This stuff was genius! The was one problem. It was only a TEMPORARY fix. It was meant to basically band-aid a tooth situation, for a maximum of…..1 day. ONE DAY! No way man! “I’m keepin’ this stuff in there for as long as it will hold! And when I need to…I’ll just buy more of this stuff!! I’ll buy it all! I’m my OWN dentist! This is incredible!” No word of a lie, I kept on going with the tooth patch kit for about 6 months. But, all good things must come to an end. And eventually one day, after months of headaches, jaw pain, and intense tooth pain I had to be rushed in for emergency dental surgery at the hospital. It was ALL infected and I could no longer eat or sleep. The dentist had to yank the ENTIRE tooth out from the root! He actually had to put one foot on the chair to stabilize him, the tooth was so tough to get out! But, boy, did it feel better after that! And now I have an empty hole in the back. As a reminder, to never practice home dentistry again.
cheers everyone. and take care of your teeth.
Wednesday, July 13th, 2011
If you think about it, much of our lives we spend ‘faking’ stuff. Why do we fake? We fake to avoid all kinds of things. Sometimes we fake to not hurt someone’s feelings, sometimes we fake to save our own rejection. Some times we do it, because we’re lazy. But the fact of the matter is, we as humans using ‘faking’ stuff as a way to cope with everyday life. The other day I was at the gym. I go three times a week now. (trying to lose some muffin top, or scone top..or whatever it’s called) . And if you haven’t noticed, gyms today are like hospitals. They have more spray bottles and disinfectants than the labour and delivery ward at the Vic. Everybody is supposed to clean the equipment after they have finished sweating all over it. And this is where the faking comes in. What constitutes actual CLEANING of the equipment? Is it the use of a dry scrap of paper towel, barely brushing on 1/4 of the weight bench? Or how about a giant wad of kleenex from someone’s pocket lightly moistened with antiseptic spray….cleaning it’s 16th machine? Is this really helping? Are we really doing our part? ABSOLUTELY! The theory in most people’s minds, that I believe we as a whole find acceptable, is that as long as you LOOK like you have put the effort in to clean, as long as you PRETEND to make things nice, it’s fine!! I know, and you know, that the corner of that piece of bone dry toilet paper that you found on the floor…that you then took over to the powerful germ-busting spray area, that you will then go over and fake clean your sweaty piece of equipment….. didn’t do a thing. BUT WHO CARES! At least you’re following protocol, right? And you APPEAR to care. Fakin’ it! We also fake talk on the cell phone when we walk down the street and see people we don’t want to talk to, we also fake LOVING a present that we get from a co-worker at Christmas. Couple that with a fake smile and a big ‘ol fake hug…and you got yourself an office oscar! Fake checking in our purse when someone asks for a pen, fake looking for gum in your pocket and claiming you don’t have any..even though you do but if you give ONE guy a piece…then EVERYONE will want one..and then the whole pack will be gone and you JUST GOT IT! Fake having no change for the homeless, fake happy for someone who looks AMAZING RIGHT AFTER the baby…..fake fake fake!! (punch in FAKE for 300 points!)
But you know what…it’s ok. It’s all part of people just wanting to keep the peace. Just live our lives, without too much chaos. A coping strategy for life’s trivial day to day events! So big deal. I’ll keep fake wiping down the treadmill at the gym. And so will you I bet!
Thursday, July 7th, 2011
The other day I had to do a quick shop at the grocery store. I pride my self on being able to go in, get what I need, and get out. Just like that. I even have the game plan in my head before I enter. “ok…first I’ll take a sharp right and hit the bread aisle, then I’ll deek down the salad dressing aisle and then over to get the sugar, then up to the milk part and then over to grab the pickles and then I’ll CHECK the avocados…’cause I’m not buyin’ em if they’re hard..then over to the bananas…jeez, I hope they’re still at 69 cents…” So, when a wrench is thrown in my plan, I get all messed up. ESPECIALLY if I need things that we don’t really buy a lot. Like cereal. I never really used to buy that much cereal. Maybe a box of Rice Krispies or Cheerios here and there, but not a whole heck of a lot. Well, cereal was on my list the other day and I was at Superstore. Have you been down the cereal aisle lately? WHAT IS GOING ON? Since when are there 200 cereals to choose from? When we were gowing up there were about 4 There were Rice Krispies, Corn Flakes, Raisin Bran and Cheerios. And if you had friends with parents who bought them sugar cereal (it was FORBIDDEN in my house), there were Fruit Loops and Frosted Flakes.
My family was also treated to the ever-lumpy and strange Red-River Cereal, that tasted like you were eating wet carpet lint with sand. Always a morning delight for the palate of an 8 year old. (of course, now I’m trying to push this stuff on MY kid! lol) But really, why are there so many kinds of cereals? Is anyone else overwhelmed? See, I am a creature of habit. If I like something, I usually keep buying the same brand. Well, if it’s on sale. If it’s NOT at a rock bottom price, just TRY and stop me from buying the knock-off-might-taste-like-box-filler-brand. You know what I’m talkin’ about. They kinda LOOK like corn flakes, but they’re called CORN FUN, or something like that. I think I’m de-railing a bit here. This was supposed to be a blog about getting lost in the cereal isle. Anyway, my whole point is…we don’t need 19 kinds of puffed rice. And, I think there might be one too many types of cereal with the words VANILLA and ALMOND in them. Or how about ones that say ‘ADDED FIBRE’. How much more FIBRE can you add to Bran Flakes? I mean being regular is one thing but…..I think you know where I’m going with that. So, from now on if I need cereal, I think I’ll skip the aisle completely. I’ll just steal it from my mom’s house. 300 points for you! Punch in VANILLA