September 11th, 2012 by Kerri
‘I’m having the worst day, my car wouldn’t start so I was late for my nail appointment’ ‘I couldn’t find a close to the door spot at the grocery store so I had to carry all 15 bags of groceries by myself and my hands hurt!’ ‘Looks like it’s going to rain outside…I HATE rain, why does weather have to happen at all!! ‘It’s the end of summer and the days are getting shorter..the NERVE!’ – First world problems seem to be very popular these days. To complain about unchangeable, inevitable events like the weather is so common. And completely insane. Don’t worry, I won’t bore you with another sappy gratitude blog, but don’t you feel sometimes that no one is seeing the big picture? That life, is generally good. Especially here in Canada. It’s amazing that with all of the fresh water, food and shelter and clothing that most ( not everyone) people have access to, people still complain that they don’t have enough. Someone’s entire day can be ruined by getting a pen mark on a new pair of pants. What about the guy who’s only goat, the only food and drink he had, just ran away. We have it so good for the most part! I am not innocent here! when my PVR had not taped one of the crappy shows I watch like it was SUPPOSE to..I get mad. I even get so mad that I walk down to the store and buy something to make me feel better. Maybe a cone. And while I eat my cone I take the time to really think about my first world problems. That, and the gas I am getting from the cone since I’m lactose intolerrant.
Just think a bit the next time you complain about something silly. Is it really that bad? Punch in firstworldproblems for points.
September 5th, 2012 by Kerri
The kids are back in the classroom…..bring on the 3pm wine spritzers!
No? Is that a bad thing to say? What if I said ,bring on the hard cover novel, or the home foot spa? All right. While I’m not saying it’s a good idea to indulge in many late afternoon libations….mom’s all across North America are probably thinking about it! Especially if they been catching up on a summer’s worth of PVR’ed Housewives episodes. It seems as though all they DO on those shows is crack open the champagne, no matter what time of day it is! Yay! We’re
rich and just played tennis, let’s drink champagne! Awww, Susan’s implant surgery is today, let’s have cocktails! Oh no, David and Kristin broke up after 7 weeks of marriage, let’s have a toast!
Celebrating that the kids have gone back to school and that your days are more leisurely is a fine thing to do. In times like these, I like to look to France as an example of the way in which people should enjoy life. It seems they do everything, but do it in moderation. Chocolate for breakfast? Sure..but just a tiny bit in a croissant. Wine with lunch? Why not! But just a glass (or two) They really have it down.
punch in WINE for 1000. So, if you feel like having a spot of wine this afternoon, or putting your feet up while someone else cleans your feet, go for it! You deserve it! And while you’re at it, order an extra large peperoni for dinner.
July 30th, 2012 by Kerri
There comes a time in your life life when you have to accept that you have spider veins. I mean, not everybody does….but for the most part, when you’re pushing 40, you probably have a few. I got them while I was pregnant. They’re weird eh? Looks like you fell asleep with a red Bic pen on your leg. All scribbly. Oh well. It was worth it right? The baby that is.
So now what? Nylons? Fishnets? Pants forever? Nope. I’ll just try and draw more attention to my hair. Yep, I am going to start teasing my hair more and more, bigger and bigger each year. The more spider veins, the bigger the bangs. The higher the crown. And hoop earings.
Big. Gold. Hoops. My head will be so big with hair and hoops no one will ever notice the ever expanding road map on my legs.
You know what’s worse than spider veins? A LOT. Punch in SPIDER
July 16th, 2012 by Kerri
How many times have you said, “HONEY! Have you seen my DISCO PANTS??” Probably not too many. Well, you might be saying it a whole lot more. THEY’RE BACK. Grease lightening baby! I love when something is considered to be back ‘IN’. It was ‘OUT’, but then some guy in France decided, while nibbling on cheese, that it would indeed be coming back ‘IN’. And I mean, who WOULDN’T want to paint these puppies on for a night on the town? Again, much like the crop top, SO FLATTERING for most body types! Hugging every curve and lump on each leg like sausage casing. Keep things tight at the waist too! I want to look like a water balloon ready to explode! Eat? Not eating tonight! I’ll have stomach cramps because of lack of intestinal circulation. Nah..I’ll eat tomorrow, when I wear my Sunday Sweatpants. It’ll be Nothing but Dateline re-runs and Ding Dongs allll day. But tonight? I wanna be ‘ IN’! I don’t care if they don’t look right. The FEEL right. They make me wanna dance and meet people! Shiny pants screams confidence! Get me to the club! VIP all the way! I need to MOVE! I feel 20 again! I look like Olivia Newton John right now! Wait. I feel ill. How do I get these things off?
Are YOU ready for the retrun of the Disco pant? punch in PANT for points.
June 25th, 2012 by Kerri
Summer means a lot of things. Hot weather, barbeques, outdoor concerts, and porta potties. Some people won’t use them . we all know that person. They’d rather blow their bladders and kidneys before they have to step into one . I don’t mind them really. I prefer the row style where you have 10 lined up. I like options. Especially when they’ve seen heavy traffic…you want the one with toilet paper INCLUDED. I’m not so big on the stand alone. You know the one that you’ll find at a big backyard barbeque or reunion, it’s on the corner of the lot. And when you have to go, everyone knows it. “Where’s Jim? Jeez..i dunno…ah..there he is! He’s walkin’ to the can….he must have to go to the bathroom! “ It’s weird. You really can’t disguise WHAT you’re doing in a porta potty . For girls especially, when you excuse yourself on a date to go to the bathroom, the other person doesn’t know EXACTLY what you’re doing. It could be a cosmetic thing. Just checking your face. But, porto potty. They know what’s going down. There’s no way around it. You’re going in there, you’re taking your pants down, you’re doing your business. There’s no mystery. It’s got one purpose. RELIEF. ( punch in ‘relief’)
You can’t lie and suggest to others around you that the reason you need to check out the porto is because you like small spaces. Or that you find that cell phone reception is at it’s best in the presence of raw sewage.
There. I told you how I feel about outdoor toilets. PS : CLICK HERE TO SHOW SUPPORT FOR MY COURTDATE to fight a $292.00 ticket!!! https://www.facebook.com/#!/FreeKerri?notif_t=page_new_likes
June 19th, 2012 by Kerri
Hey there everyone! Ok, so I have ventured into print. This is just an FYI to let you know that starting this Thursday I will have a weekly piece in the METRO paper. (the one in the green boxes) It’s called Above Average Joe. Each week, I am going to be highlighting Winnipegger’s who are not famous at all…but they are the REAL people who make our city tick. Maybe they have been a Carnie at the EX for 35 years, or they are the most LOVED janitor at a highschool here in town. I want to give the REAL people of our city the spotlight for once! Afterall, just because you’re not famous, doesn’t mean you’re a nobody! Everyone is a somebody. SO, that’s what it’s about!
If you pick up the METRO, take a peek at Above Average Joe!
love you all. Punch in aboveaveragejoe for some points!
June 12th, 2012 by Kerri
They’re always around. When you get to work, when you meet in the lunch room, at the water cooler, at the coffee machine, at meetings, even at some parties. CO-WORKERS. And most of the time, we enjoy them. They can be fun to talk to! And fun to work with! However, sometimes we run into the co-worker that isn’t a bag of roses.
I came across this in a book. It says that there are four different types of work place people which all fall under the category of DIFFICULT. (by the way, that’s your bonus code, difficult) So here they are, and here’s how you can deal with them!
THE BULLY: Bullies like to bowl you over and leave your stomach in knots. They like to get their way…sometimes, they even do it under the radar!
HOW TO DEAL? Stand up to a bully. Usually aggressive people expect others to run away. Don’t bully them back…but use an ‘I’ statement. Like, ‘When you insult my intelligence, I feel…..’
THE CLAM: They are afraid of any type of confrontation, so they say nothing, leaving everything unresolved…leaving everybody frustrated!
HOW TO DEAL? Don’t wait to you blow up because of their passive aggressive behaviour. Instead, hit the situation calmly and suggest a solution or consequence. Maybe even go so far as to ask them if they need any help.
THE WHINER: These people tend to deflect responsibility! They’ve learned that by complaining or making excuses, they can put the problem on you or someone else.
HOW TO DEAL? Most of the time, these people are oblivious to their negativity. The best thing to do is say, ” When you complain like that, it DRAINS me” Then suggest they focus on the good first..and not always the negative stuff. i know, I know, easier said than done, but it’s worth a try.
THE SNIPER: These peeps like to sneak attack, hoping you won’t notice or at least not say anything.
HOW TO DEAL?
Ahhh….reveal the sniper’s agenda! let them know that YOU know what they’re up to. Such as, ” I saw you rolling your eyes at the meeting, why don’t you tell me what you didn’t like about….”
Again, easier said than done, right?
As a student of psychology, I am totally obsessed with personality traits! So, if this is interesting to you at ALL..then that’s good. If it has helped in any way….even better!
Have a great day at work!
June 5th, 2012 by Kerri
I am so excited!! The CROP TOP is back! I absolutely adore this fashion statement! Especially now that I’m almost 40, I feel more confident than ever. I love baring my mid-drift in all it’s glory. Especially now that it’s lost all of it’s elasticity from my beautiful daughter being inside me all of those months! Stretching, kicking and pulling. And, who doesn’t love doing crunches? I can’t STOP doing them! Side bends, sit-ups, they’re all so FUN! I never sit anymore either. Standing really makes a crop top SHINE! Who wants to see a mid-drift all bent over and squished! And the BEST part about a crop top, they can take you from the office to the evening! They are so versatile! One minute you’re at your computer freezing your butt off, the next, you’re out clubbing after work! You can even where them to the gym. In fact, I thing they were invented at the gym. The crop top, so much fun, so little fabric.
punch in CROP TOP for 1000
love you all!!! kerr
May 30th, 2012 by Kerri
Hi! I was just lying on the bed relaxing. Staring at the ceiling, the cool breeze was coming in from the window. Smelled like rain. A few birds were chirping away…..ahhh. Heavenly. Then as I gently closed my eyes for a rest, my mind…I started thinking about my hardwood floors. I thought, ‘boy, they sure could use a good clean. That spot by the front door, it’s sticky. And that area near the kitchen, not sure what happened there, but there’s pepper everywhere. And I really should fix that area BEHIND the TV. All those messy cords, and there’s a bit of a dust situation happening. Oh, hey..there’s no milk. Milk? we need more than that. We need, like, everything. Oh crap. I forgot, it’s my aunt’s birthday in a few days..got to buy a card. Wait, when will I fit time in to get to the gym AND dye my hair ? Speaking of hair, how BAD is this last cut I got! I’ll have to wear a hat for a YEAR! And I AM GETTING SO OLD! My bones!!! I MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP!
All that…from trying to relax. What day is it today? Tuesday? (punch in tuesday for 1000) TUESDAY? Oh. That’s not too bad actually. That’s it… I’m skipping the gym and ordering KFC.
May 23rd, 2012 by Kerri
Do you like hardboiled eggs? Here’s a tip if you bring them to work…peel them at home first, then pack them in your lunch. They don’t smell up the office.
Take CHALK….draw a line around home entry points, it will repell them. ( the calcium carbonate in the chalk, which is actually made up of ground-compressed shells of marine animals) You can spread ground up chalk around your garden plants too..repelling ants and slugs.
Do you want fresh breath but don’t have any gum…just suck on a coffee bean, your bad breath will be GONZO. Did you know coffee beans can also remove odour and weird smells from your hands? Oh yeah baby! Take some beans, rub them between your hands..then wash your hand and get ready to shake!
How about those dusty venetian blinds of yours? Take fabric softener sheets and wipe them on the blinds…the dust WON’T stick to the blinds. Plus, it might smell nice! Punch in DUST for 1000 points!
And who can’t forget MAYONNAISE! You can make plant leaves shiny, remove crayon marks from wood and even clean piano keys! just rub mayo on these things…let it soak in .. wipe, then POOF! Cleans-ville!
I have a PILE of tips….more for you in the future!
love ya! kerrxo